sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
