Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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