as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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