why do cheetos always look like penises
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
