peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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