We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
