My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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