Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
