Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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