I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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