you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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