if i died would you start the facebook group?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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