If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
