Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
