Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
