I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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