looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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