Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
