Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
