Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
