He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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