some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
