He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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