I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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