No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
