I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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