Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
