i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
