I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
