Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my shit smells like andre
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
