I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
