I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my sisters under your porch take her home
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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