Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
