Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
