does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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