I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
