Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Randomize
