I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
