i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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