so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You ruined the universe
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
