i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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