A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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