Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
