He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
