i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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