it wasn't lemon gatorade
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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