actually, I'm a sock model
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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