i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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