you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
