I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
