I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
