all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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