So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
