My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
