some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
