If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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