Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
