my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
