My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
