Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Nicole vs. Life
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
