Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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