I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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