dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
