escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
