There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You work out of a Hotel?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
