This is not my ceiling
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
