my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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