i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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