I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
