Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
